Dear Mariah [count me in]

the room is closing in on me...but instead of panicing i just give a sigh of relief almost remembering this familiar feeling everything is changing nothing is and never will be the same again...this feeling seems to be the only familiar thing to me anymore it suddenly allows me to catch my breath breathe in breathe out it allows me to catch up with reality once again and asures me everything will eventually be okay how life takes time to adjust to everything but knowing it takes longer for me to adjust then life itself

life is simply spinning out of control and theres no way of stopping it this time i dont know how much longer i can take this theres no way to make everyone happy its one person or the other theres so many problems that seem to float my way i wish the phrase in one ear and out the other worked in this case but these problems seem to say with me almost haunting me everytime i fix one another one comes along...im carrying the world on my shoulder even though no one seems to realize it  im not sure  how much longer i can hold it these problems are harder to solve then when you were five you could just share you favorite toy with whoever was mad at you and the problem would be solved now im at the age of 15 and sharing is getting me no where

my vision seems to be getting blurry life is swirling around me and no matter how much i want it to slow down it seems to speed up i cant catch my breath anymore i have too many problems that keep me running nonstop i want to be finished i want all these so called problems to make there way out of my life im not exactly sure how much longer i can take it...nothing is turning out the way i want it...but then again life isnt like burger king you CANT have it your way no matter how much you try life seems to go in all directions you have to pick left or right and fate will lead you where you are supposed to be i wish i could go back in time and change the mistakes i have made but in this life its not possible...i need to learn from them even if these problems are too hard to handle at times i feel the weight of the world crashing down on me im not sure how long i can hold it...i know life is going to have these twists and turns and these problems will eventually go away and work themselves out...im learning to handle all these punches that are being thrown at me no matter how hard i try this life will still be great but full of chaos at the same time

the days are still passing me by...there seems to only one problem with that...as they pass they get even more confuzing then the day before im trying hard to catch my breath but some how it almost seems to be an unreachable desire for me i seem to be wondering who my real friends are who to trust and who not to trust the same questions seem to fill my head everyday but for some reason none of them seem to get answered why isnt anyone listening to what i have to say why cant these questions fade away like everyday that i pass by or simply be answered by someone, anyone for that matter! why do they seem to fill my head every time i wake up in the morning to every time i lay my head on my pillow to sleep this being the only way to escape these questions that haunt me everyday

sitting in the seat of the bus that will lead me to my next adventure...another part of this journey called life awaiting for it all to unfold gazing at this conjoined seat i seem to have choosen. knowing one of my best friends is currently sitting in the seat beside me and knowing she will stick by my side almost making us seem like two peas in a pod i start to look further beyond this seat and some how i find my mind being twisted into the world around me looking at all of the problems which seem to have no solutions in my eyes but wanting oh so hard to find these solutions that seem to be playing hide and go seek with me the only thing that seems to be running through my head is how much i want this game to end right here right now but knowing that i am not the one who is playing the game seems to hit me in the gut every single time

i look out the window of my house and i seem to think about how beautiful and perfect the world looks...but as soon as you walk out that front door the perfection seems to drift away everything starts crumbling down that perfect world is gone reality has set back in once again the tragedys that seem to happen every day are back you start to hear about the people who ended up dying so young...you hear about wild fires, the children who decided they were done being picked on and brought a gun to school why does that perfect world seem to change as soon as you are actually in it...why cant it be as great as it appears?

i seem to rely on this same old torn up notebook everynight...the pencil and paper seem to be my best friends once again...spilling my guts to the only way i know how too..writing to the one thing that, in my mind, seems to listen i can say anything without being critized or mocked for....they seem to be able to connect to the story of my life...

 

you find a way out of what you got yourself into

unfortuantly this is not so true for some...they tend to dig themself a deeper ditch until they are no longer able to pull themselves out in the end they seem to some how get sucked into all of this chaos and all they can do is wait wait for that one person to save them from there misery

the days keep passing me by and the same thought keeps running through my mind. what happened to the life i used to have why isnt the phrase seasons change but peopld do true? why has everything in my life gone in the opposite direction of where it used to be...life slowly seems to get back to normal or at least what i once considered to be normalwhy cant i go back to the summer why cant i go back to when i was just 5 years old where the most drama revolved around someone pushing you on the playground i had no worries in the world back then  i was me and only me i dressed the way i wanted to i talked to everyone and anyone what happened to the good ole days when fun was all you had to care about

The seasons are once again changing another year added onto my youth they years seem to be flying past another night of hanging out with friends around a bonfire sipping hot chocolate seem to be fading away as if they never even existed living the life you want living life like there is no tomorrowseem to be my main goals at the moment...i want to be able to look back on my life and be proud of everything and anything that i may have done...maybe one day this will all change maybe i will have different goals or dreams in the near future and i need to know that this will turn out to be a good thing i need to know at least one good change comes out of it all but at this exact moment i am alright with the hopes and dreams that seem to fill my head everyday and night

sitting here thinking abou thte accomplishments and mistakes i have made almost like reading a book but in this case i am the author and the book has yet to unfold in from of my eyes. will this book have the fairy tale ending? what has yet to be told?  will the main characters stay or disappear from the pages just striving to be written on or will they stay till the very end? who else has yet to be included in this story what crazy adventures will occur for now all i can do is let the story unfold and continue to let people read on

i sit her gazing at picture of the past and present. all that seems to run through my head is this is my life exactly the way i want it to be...im living up to my expectations im living life like the crazy little sophomore that i am sometimes it tends to punch you in the guy but if you think about it life can be your best friend or your biggest enemy thats just the way it seems to be life is not supposed to be controlled in the eyes of others but by you and only you! you dont need to drink or do drugs to be "cool" who even defines the word cool anyways? create your on defintion who says you are supposed to care what others think creat a life taht is yours and only yours dont let others run your life run the life you are living be the one in charge

over and out captain

As i walk through the streets i see people smiling and laughing as i keep walking, simply catching anothers eye i see the sadness that hides within them the sadness no one else seems to see what happened what caused them to be filled with such a sadness why am i the only one able to see the only one who can read them like a book why can i almost feel the pain they feel every day and night as i fake a smile just hoping to brighten up their day i see the sadness starting to fading from those eyes the eyes that once were filled with so much pain the eyes that seemed almost unbearable to stare into using the simplest jesture, just a wave of a hand, it almost feels llike they are the patient that I, the doctor, just cured

the places around me seem to be oh so familiar but at the same time i have no idea where i am where to call home where to go when i need some one to talk to...everything around me seems to be changing i stand there while life is whirling around me....almost like the tilt a whirl; you spin and spin and everything is running past me so i cant catch up...life doesnt have a remote with a pause button or a button to rewind so you wouldnt make the same mistakes. with the mistakes you make you need to learn you need to realize life is short and you need to live to the fullest meet as many new people as you can take risks even if you are afraid because one day you will realize you had the best time of your life and that learning from your mistakes...taking those risks will all be worth it!

every night i seem to go sit on that same hillside just to gaze up at the sky: night or day just to make life seem like its standing still but when you snap back to reality everything seems to fly past you....having barely anytime to catch your breath every problem every thought just seems to creep up on you and then its gone almost like it vanished dont you wish life could be that easy? problems just seem to solve themselves just so you can have that spilt second where everything seems to be alright everything is just the way you want it....everyone needs time to stand still even if it doesnt last that long everyone has the exact same emotions at sometime or point in their life: the feeling of  being loved, worried, scared or happy no matter what emotion you seem to being feeling you need that split second to grasp that happiness just to tell yourself everything will be okay everything will turn out the way it is supposed to good or bad and no matter what everything will seem to just disappear

i sit here tossing and turning at night, un able to sleep. my thoughts are creeping up on me as i think about the past, what the future has in store,  hopes and dreams that in my mind i know will never come true. i dream the impossible but seem to wish for the same thing every night. as my imagination wanders i hope for this dream to become a reality but knowing this is far from reality for me.

i think about the past...how much i seem to miss it...watching mister rogers and waiting for the new episodes that now seem to be oh so old. wishing, why cant life be as easy as it was back then. wanting everything to be okay again just so i can catch my breath. but knowing those days are and will now remain as just memories.

now moving to the future what will life be like then? good or bad? do you really want to know? or are you up for the surprises the future might just bring? or are you a planner who has every single detail written out for the next ten years of your life? i know im not...for now all i can do is just dream of what may come and i seem to be okay with that. dreaming seems to be a hobbie of not only me but everyone...

 

The summer is coming to an end the seasons will be changing. the days you wish could happen all over again...the people you have met will all become the memories you will cherish for years to come. has this been the summer of you life? or is it becoming just a time in between school years? which would are you going to choose....

The seasons will be coming and going. next fall and soon after the ground will be covered in white the leaves will start to slowly fade away until spring comes again...life is going by are you making the best of it. are you going be on the outside looking in or the inside looking out? are you going to make you dreams slip away or become your life? is 2007 the year or is it just another? you choose! Soon time will catch up what will it be like then?

i sit here gazing out the car window hoping to see something that might never be there.
hoping that life will take me down the right roads waiting for something but who knows what
that could be. sitting there wanting to enjoy every moment life throws at me every bump and
bruise to help me be okay again knowing life does take a couple of wrong turns to get back
on track i want to enjoy all the stupid silly stuff that seems to happen in life everyday.
every pointless moment i tend to have. to forget about regrets because yesturday is in the
past and today is the present i dont want to think "i should haves" or "i could haves" or
"what if i would haves" to know i couldnt have changed what i did and to actually be okay
with that. i want to experience true happiness that lives seems to give everyone at some
point and time i want to be able to look back and say "wow that was a stupid thing to do but
totally worth it!" i want to have fun in life take in everything it has to offer to me.

 

hey everyone im a new user to buzznet yes again another newbie to this thing....umm just so ya know my name is mariah or marriott (nickname from friends)  umm but ya comment me if you want whatever...i really dont know what else to say but hey if i think of something i will tell you i guess so ya

signed mariah

*the mysterious contestant of this game show*