Superxninjaxmuffins' Journals

can i catch my breath?

the room is closing in on me...but instead of panicing i just give a sigh of relief almost remembering this familiar feeling everything is changing nothing is and never will be the same again...this feeling seems to be the only familiar thing to me anymore it suddenly allows me to catch my breath breathe in breathe out it allows me to catch up with reality once again and asures me everything will eventually be okay how life takes time to adjust to everything but knowing it takes longer for me to adjust then life itself

i feel like im on a tilt-a-whirl

life is simply spinning out of control and theres no way of stopping it this time i dont know how much longer i can take this theres no way to make everyone happy its one person or the other theres so many problems that seem to float my way i wish the phrase in one ear and out the other worked in this case but these problems seem to say with me almost haunting me everytime i fix one another one comes along...im carrying the world on my shoulder even though no one seems to realize it im not sure how much longer i can hold it these problems are harder to solve then when you were five you could just share you favorite toy with whoever was mad at you and the problem would be solved now im at the age of 15 and sharing is getting me no where

i think the remote is broken cause the pause button isnt working

my vision seems to be getting blurry life is swirling around me and no matter how much i want it to slow down it seems to speed up i cant catch my breath anymore i have too many problems that keep me running nonstop i want to be finished i want all these so called problems to make there way out of my life im not exactly sure how much longer i can take it...nothing is turning out the way i want it...but then again life isnt like burger king you CANT have it your way no matter how much you try life seems to go in all directions you have to pick left or right and fate will lead you where you are supposed to be i wish i could go back in time and change the mistakes i have made but in this life its not possible...i need to learn from them even if these problems are too hard to handle at times i feel the weight of the world crashing down on me im not sure how long i can hold it...i know life is going to have these twists and turns and these problems will eventually go away and work themselves out...im learning to handle all these punches that are being thrown at me no matter how hard i try this life will still be great but full of chaos at the same time

questions with no answers

the days are still passing me by...there seems to only one problem with that...as they pass they get even more confuzing then the day before im trying hard to catch my breath but some how it almost seems to be an unreachable desire for me i seem to be wondering who my real friends are who to trust and who not to trust the same questions seem to fill my head everyday but for some reason none of them seem to get answered why isnt anyone listening to what i have to say why cant these questions fade away like everyday that i pass by or simply be answered by someone, anyone for that matter! why do they seem to fill my head every time i wake up in the morning to every time i lay my head on my pillow to sleep this being the only way to escape these questions that haunt me everyday

currently stopped at my next desination

sitting in the seat of the bus that will lead me to my next adventure...another part of this journey called life awaiting for it all to unfold gazing at this conjoined seat i seem to have choosen. knowing one of my best friends is currently sitting in the seat beside me and knowing she will stick by my side almost making us seem like two peas in a pod i start to look further beyond this seat and some how i find my mind being twisted into the world around me looking at all of the problems which seem to have no solutions in my eyes but wanting oh so hard to find these solutions that seem to be playing hide and go seek with me the only thing that seems to be running through my head is how much i want this game to end right here right now but knowing that i am not the one who is playing the game seems to hit me in the gut every single time

reality has set back in once again

i look out the window of my house and i seem to think about how beautiful and perfect the world looks...but as soon as you walk out that front door the perfection seems to drift away everything starts crumbling down that perfect world is gone reality has set back in once again the tragedys that seem to happen every day are back you start to hear about the people who ended up dying so young...you hear about wild fires, the children who decided they were done being picked on and brought a gun to school why does that perfect world seem to change as soon as you are actually in it...why cant it be as great as it appears?

the same old storys ladies and gentleman

i seem to rely on this same old torn up notebook everynight...the pencil and paper seem to be my best friends once again...spilling my guts to the only way i know how too..writing to the one thing that, in my mind, seems to listen i can say anything without being critized or mocked for....they seem to be able to connect to the story of my life...

you find a way out of what you got yourself into

unfortuantly this is not so true for some...they tend to dig themself a deeper ditch until they are no longer able to pull themselves out in the end they seem to some how get sucked into all of this chaos and all they can do is wait wait for that one person to save them from there misery

both written on the same day

the days keep passing me by and the same thought keeps running through my mind. what happened to the life i used to have why isnt the phrase seasons change but peopld do true? why has everything in my life gone in the opposite direction of where it used to be...life slowly seems to get back to normal or at least what i once considered to be normalwhy cant i go back to the summer why cant i go back to when i was just 5 years old where the most drama revolved around someone pushing you on the playground i had no worries in the world back then i was me and only me i dressed the way i wanted to i talked to everyone and anyone what happened to the good ole days when fun was all you had to care about

The seasons are once again changing another year added onto my youth they years seem to be flying past another night of hanging out with friends around a bonfire sipping hot chocolate seem to be fading away as if they never even existed living the life you want living life like there is no tomorrowseem to be my main goals at the moment...i want to be able to look back on my life and be proud of everything and anything that i may have done...maybe one day this will all change maybe i will have different goals or dreams in the near future and i need to know that this will turn out to be a good thing i need to know at least one good change comes out of it all but at this exact moment i am alright with the hopes and dreams that seem to fill my head everyday and night

life as a book

sitting here thinking abou thte accomplishments and mistakes i have made almost like reading a book but in this case i am the author and the book has yet to unfold in from of my eyes. will this book have the fairy tale ending? what has yet to be told? will the main characters stay or disappear from the pages just striving to be written on or will they stay till the very end? who else has yet to be included in this story what crazy adventures will occur for now all i can do is let the story unfold and continue to let people read on

pictures

i sit her gazing at picture of the past and present. all that seems to run through my head is this is my life exactly the way i want it to be...im living up to my expectations im living life like the crazy little sophomore that i am sometimes it tends to punch you in the guy but if you think about it life can be your best friend or your biggest enemy thats just the way it seems to be life is not supposed to be controlled in the eyes of others but by you and only you! you dont need to drink or do drugs to be "cool" who even defines the word cool anyways? create your on defintion who says you are supposed to care what others think creat a life taht is yours and only yours dont let others run your life run the life you are living be the one in charge

over and out captain